Work in Progress
This article (Paradox Tutorial), or a section of this article, is under construction; please excuse all cranes, dozers, and MCVs in the meantime. Feel free to add additional content to the page, including pictures and templates; the final page may differ from the current page to a large extent.
The Cast Edit
The Allied Guardian Tank as Himself.
The Soviet Hammer Tank as The Apocalypse Tank.
The Imperial Tsunami Tank as Himself
The Confederate Mastiff Medium Tank as Herself
The Talon Cleric Track as Himself
The Royal Nian Tank as Himself
The Protectorate Command Node as the Executor TripleTank
The Syndicate Talos AFV as Himself
Lesson One: Global Changes Edit
(Fade in from black. The Allied Guardian tank, Imperial Tsunami tank, and Soviet Apocalypse tank [voiced by the Hammer tank pilot] are driving away from a war zone. All three are badly damaged. Fortifying Brighton plays in the background.)
Apocalypse: Man, am I glad that’s over.
Guardian: So, did either of you have any plans after this?
Tsunami: Well, I got this role as a villain in a toothpaste commercial.
(The Guardian and Apocalypse tanks begin to congratulate him, before all three stop abruptly in front of the five Paradox vehicles. There is a beat. Music stops.)
Apocalypse: Oh, no.
Mastiff: What, did you think you were done? No, sir, you still have another tutorial to do!
Cleric: And after that, you have another whole game to slave through. So chin up! At least you get to spend it with us!
(The three "original" tanks line up in formation with the new ones)
Apocalypse: (Deadpan) Thanks. I feel so special.
Talos: So, without further ado, welcome to Red Alert 3: Paradox!
Guardian: (Half-hearted) Hooraaayy. (The Tsunami shoots him) Oww!
Tsunami: Where's your fighting spirit? Do you want to be sent to your death? Needlessly?
Guardian: Well... Well, no.
Tsunami: Then harden up! It's just one more game. You're not going to die from doing one more game, are you?
Guardian: You can stop now.
Cleric: AH-HEM. If you're done? (Pause) Anyway, Crusader. This lesson is intended to ease you back into the nuances of Red Alert 3, as well as introduce the new mechanics of Paradox.
Nian: After all, it has been quite a while since Red Alert 3 was released. Who knows, maybe you reinstalled the game just to play Paradox! In which case, thanks!
Cleric: What did I tell you about breaking the fourth wall?
Nian: That it was manly and hilarious.
Mastiff: No, that's what I said about it. I think the exact word he used was "Don't."
Guardian: (To the Executor) Is it always like this?
Executor: You have no idea.
Cleric: (Forcefully) We're getting off-topic.
Mastiff: Alright, alright. Spoilsport. Commander! Some things have changed since you last played Red Alert 3. You could say you're in a whole different game.
Nian: I thought that was the point.
Mastiff: Not now. See here, Commander...
(The camera shifts to a battle scene. Two Beagle tanks are aiming at the front of a Bulldog. Another two Beagles are aiming at the back of another Bulldog)
Mastiff: ...While you were introduced to the concept of directional armor in the Red Alert 3...
Guardian: We saw to that.
Mastiff: ...It takes on a new dimension here. With few exceptions, vehicles have even heavier armour on their front, but lighter armour on the sides. From behind, most vehicles are sitting ducks. To demonstrate, please have those tanks fire on the two Bulldogs - er, training robots...
(The Commander does so. The Bulldog being attacked from the back dies much faster than the other.)
Mastiff: See? It's so simple it almost explains itself.
Tsunami: And we're lucky it doesn't. Otherwise we would be out of a job.
Guardian: Mind, our locomotors have also been altered, so we now accelerate slower and turn slower.
Apocalypse: I was wondering why I felt so sluggish this morning...
Tsunami: No, that's just because you're in an Apocalypse tank.
(The camera pans to an International Inc Warehouse. While the Nian narrates, an Engineer walks up and captures it)
Nian: Anyway...completely new to Paradox are "mini-factions". Whle you might play as a few in the Campaign mode, they're not fleshed out enough to let them be played in Skirmish. Instead, you'll find neutral tech buildings out in the battlefield... like this one!
Mastiff: There is an exception to this though, the new game mode known as Minor Faction Deathmatch.
(By now the Warehouse has been captured. A random II unit is produced from it.)
Nian: It works pretty much like any other production building, and each mini-faction has their own speciality. International Inc., for example, provides cheap support vehicles, but no aircraft or infantry to speak of.
Cleric: And while we're on the topic of neutral tech structures...
(A Badger or Artemis bomber flies by and obliterates the II Warehouse and vehicle.)
Cleric: In Red Alert 3, Neutral Tech Structures were gone, forever. In Paradox, Neutral Tech Structures simply revert to neutral (and/or regenerate to "intact") when "destroyed".
Tsunami: On the subject of "destroyed".
(Camera pans over to a Psionic Decimator & Vacuum Imploder Silo.)
Tsunami: Finally. Now you all shall suffer, for our Commander here has a Psionic Decimator!
Talos: Wait up a minute, shouldn't we mention the changes to superweapons in Paradox?
(Apocalypse shoots Tsunami)
Apocalypse: I have always wanted to do that.
(All shoot Apocalypse)
Talos: Back to the point, superweapons in Paradox are different from "vanilla" Red Alert 3, where they were very much point and...
(Camera pans to a group of units and Vacuum Imploder fires)
Talos: ...Well, you get the idea. However, in Paradox, all superweapons have special features, barring the Vacuum Imploder. These range from...
(Camera pans across scenes of every superweapon firing, with the Talos making a vague comment on each one)
Mastiff: Fun, isn't it?
Apocalypse: Hey, how come the Soviets don't get a flashy new superweapon? It's a giant missile! Couldn't we make the explosion bigger... or... something?
(The other tanks stare awkwardly at the Apocalypse)
Nian: Don't worry. We'll se what's new for you soon...
(Two MiG's fly over and circle.)
Apocalypse: Here we are Commander! As you can see, this is the brand-new dogfight system! Stationary aircraft used to just sit there, but now, they dodge and duck and dive...
Guardian: ...And get blasted by an Achilles...
Apocalypse: ...And get blasted by an Achilles. Wait, what?
(An Achilles has flown in and blasted them. The hulks fall onto Tsunami Tank, which activates its armour ability.)
Tsunami: You fools...
Guardian: Any way that you see it, it's going to be fun with dogfights. Tell you what, Commander, take this Achilles and blast these practice Mecha Tengus. They won't damage you, but they will fire back.
(This happens, and the Commander dispatches them)
Tsunami: Those Mecha Tengus were brand-new!
Mastiff: Enough squabbling!
Executor: Indeed. Something else new to Paradox is the addition of veteran abilities.
(The camera pans to a group of Electrical Protectorate and Atoomic Kingdom of China vehicles)
Guardian: ...Sorry, mate, but Protectorate and Chinese units are the only ones that don't gain veteran abilities.
Nian: This is because Protectorate units don't get veterancy and us Chinese units are considered expendable clones. Instead, we Chinese get turrets that can gain veterancy levels and ultamately gain heroic upgrades instead.
(The Protectorate and Chinese vehicles roll off to the right, and Allied vehicles approach from the left.)
Guardian: Alright lads, step up! As you know, Commander, in previous conflicts, units became stronger by experience, marked by insignias standing for (a Multigunner comes forward and gains rank as the words are said, before retreating) Veteran, Elite, and Heroic. In Paradox, there come certain extra changes to the units, not only performance boosts. Guardian Tanks, for example, gain a machine gun to fend off those pesky Soviet infantry.
(Gets shot by the Apocalypse)
Apocalypse: Don't try to influence the Commander! We Soviets are not the bad guys!
Guardian: Yes, yes. Anyway, watch the following, Commander.
(A normal Vindicator flies by and destroys a dummy target)
Guardian: You see, that was your common, garden-variety Vindicator. Now watch again.
(A heroic Vindicator makes a fly-by, destroying several targets with his gatling gun)
Guardian: As you can see, Commander, the heroic Vindicator has a different, experimental weapon.
Cleric: And while we're at it, there is a special rule for the Order of the Talon. Since we are blessed...
Cleric: ...We gain upgrades with every Veterancy level instead of just at the Heroic level.
Guardian: Anyway, it's now time for something shiny and new.
Guardian: (As he says this, it happens) Say you're building a base (An Allied Power Plant builds) and you keep getting infiltrators that break into your buildings. (A Imperial Shinobi enters the Power Plant).
Guardian: Well, in the original Red Alert 3, you would build a wall to stop this occurrence. (A wall builds.)
Nian: Hey, look, the fourth wall! (Wah Wah music plays in the background)
Guardian: (Ignoring) However, when you wanted to get your units out of your base, what then? (A Multigunner IFV drives up to the wall, unable to pass).
Apocalypse: You sell the wall, idiot. (This happens and the IFV leaves).
Guardian: But then what? Watch what happens! (Another Shinobi enters the Power Plant)
Guardian: Well, Paradox has a solution to this problem! Gates! (A gate builds in the space)
Apocalypse: What? Can they do that? That's too simple to be true!
Guardian: I'd have thought simple was elementary to you.
Apocalypse: But infiltrators can remote-activate the gates! That means it doesn't solve the problem at all, doesn't it?
(All shoot the Apocalypse).
Apocalypse: OW! You guys have got to stop doing that!
Nian: Don't ask stupid questions!
Guardian: A clever commander will backup these with defensive systems and good old fashioned Attack Dogs. (Another Shinobi comes along, activates the gate, and a dog that was hiding behind it dispatches of him).
Mastiff: You forget to mention that it was us Confederates who built the first gates.
Guardian: That was intentional. Now then, what's next?
Mastiff: Let's see... Huh.
Mastiff: The script seems to be missing a few pages.
Executor: Or maybe the lesson is over.
Guardian: The lesson can't be bloody over! It just started!
Apocalypse: I know, right? Go figure.
Mastiff: Well, then! (Faces the camera) Commander, I guess this is it. I'd congratulate you, but you didn't really do anything, short of blowing a few things up...
Cleric: Aaaand that's enough. (Shoves the Mastiff out of the way) Congratulations, Crusader. You're done with the first lesson. In the next, you will be introduced to the new features of each of Paradox's eight factions.
Guardian: Eight? Cor blimey!
Tsunami: What's wrong with eight?
(They all start to drive away)
Guardian: Nothing, I guess, but... eight? (Voice fades out as he gets farther away) I know you have to do whatever it takes to stand out, but these guys definitely seem to be trying too hard...
(End of Lesson One)
Lesson Two: Faction Specific Changes Edit
Allied Changes Edit
(Fade in from black. The Guardian Tank, an Ares Mobile Solar Cannon, and an Armadillo Response Vehicle are driving through a town. Desertion in the background.)
Guardian: Ah, Commander! Glad to have you with us. Me and my new, uh, friends are here to show you some of the new features of the Allies in Paradox.
Armoured Response Vehicle: And while it only amounts to two buildings, we think you'll be impressed.
Guardian: Don't spoil it for him!
(The three vehicles arrive at a beach, similar to the "sandbox beach" from the Red Alert 3 Tutorial. There is already a base, with enough prerequisites to construct the two new buildings)
Ares: Open your build queue, if you would. (Player does so and a blinking icon apears similar in apearance to the clearance icons) I am sure you ar wondering what the button does, so I'll tell you. This is the experimental clearance icon, which allows you to access some of our newer toys. Now click it (Player does so.)
Armoured Response Vehicle: Now, if you have noticed, in contrast with the other tier option used by the Allies, which is done as slow draining over a long period of time, the Experimental Tier upgrade is drained as one large lump sum over a period of... three secconds.
Ares: Now notice the "Aeronautics Complex" icon. Click it now, please. (Player does so)
Armoured Response Vehicle: The Aeronautics Complex is a self-contained runway, used to construct all of your more advanced air units.
(Aeronautics Complex finishes building)
Ares: Select the Complex's icon, and click anywhere on the field to build it.
(Player does so)
Guardian: Huh. It's a little big, don't you think?
Armoured Response Vehicle: Well, it has to be. Otherwise, it couldn't support even the smallest advanced aircraft!
Guardian: Wait a tick. "Aircraft" as in singular?
Ares: Yes. The Complex can only support one Experimental Aircraft at a time.
Guardian: One? It's huge! How can only one plane fit on that thing?
Armoured Response Vehicle: You obviously haven't seen the planes.
Guardian: Well, uh, not yet...
Ares: Commander, these Experimental Aircraft, aside from being "big," are also very expensive and only moderately armoured, so be carful with them.
Armoured Response Vehicle: ...And have a tendency to fail catastrophically when destroyed.
Guardian: So we get some shiny new planes, what else?
Ares: In addition to the "shiny new planes", the Allied Nations have also invested in some Experimental Vehicles, such as me, the Ares Tank.
Armoured Response Vehicle: These units also have a special structure, the Experimental Workshop. Construct one now.
Ares: As you see, this structure looks a little different from the common Allied style. It is not only large, but it houses in fact all the scientific gadgets your scientists and engineers will ever need to construct a whole range of Tier X vehicles. Now please build a Rosen Bridging Tank.
Armoured Response Vehicle: The Rosen Bridging Tank is, in essence, a teleporter. Not only does it break conventional physics, it will literally give you (and your enemies) some headaches.
(Rosen Bridging Tank is ready)
Armadillo: You can now use the Rosen Bridging Tank to teleport me near the riot over there, but not too close since a teleported unit will be chronofrozen for a short time.
(Player teleports Armadillo and fights the Riot)
Guardian: Alright, and what else can he do?
Ares: The Rosen Bridging Tank is also effective vs structures, but because it's a Tier X vehicle, it is not really well armoured.
Guardian: Not WHAT? How is the commander supposed to fight with those units then when they can't defend themselves?
Ares: By using mooks like you, of course.
(Armadillo is teleported back)
Armoured Response Vehicle: That's one heck of a thing. You should try it.
Ares: Commander, feel free to toy around with the Allies' new units. Keep in mind, there are new "standard tier" vehicles, such as the Armadillo, that are built from the normal Factory. There are also new infantry and aircraft produced at the Airbase and Boot Camp.
Guardian: When you're ready, select and drive me to that X over there, and I'll pass you along to the Confederates.
(Player does so. The screen fades to black, then fades back in with the Mastiff Medium Tank, a Sidewinder Burrow Tank, and a Bulldog Tank Destroyer near a Confederate ConYard)
Mastiff: Hey there, Commander. I hope those the Allies didn't bore you too much.
Sidewinder: If they did, then get ready to get excited! The Confederates are the first of the new factions of Paradox, and suffice it to say, they're like no one else!
Bulldog: Alright, alright, quit your showboating. Commander! Here, you see our Tent Barracks. Select it, please. (Player does so) From here, you can see that everything is unlocked straightaway. The Confederates are unique in that we have no tier system. None!
Mastiff: That's not to say that we can rush straight ahead and start killing, though. Our vehicles aren't at their very best when you first start a battle, and have to be upgraded over time.
Bulldog: Yes and also our Construction System is different to other factions, in that we build with 'Dozers. Basicly the Dozer allows you to build anywhere.
Mastiff:So please now build a Dozer. (Player does so) As we said, the Dozer can buld anywhere. Now please go ahead and build some structures. Also you probably noticed we do not have radar online. The Confederates have a Radar building...
Bulldog: Which also serves as a hydroponics bay...
Mastiff: Which also serves as a hydroponics bay... and as a tech structure.
Sidewinder: Now on to some tactics. As mentioned, our vehicles are not the best at the beginning of the battle, but the longer the battle lasts the more upgrades you can buy, similar to the Allies but more. In fact six in total, and they are for Armor, Health, Damage, speed, Rate of Fire and Vision (which also slightly boosts range) respectivly. To make up for this, the Confederates have a lot of stealth tactics, for example PAWI arrays making everything invisible. The Tent Barracks can disguise itself as civilian structures and there are subterranean units which...
Bulldog: Blah, blah, blah. (shoots Sidewinder) Commander, time for some action. Build a Tent Barracks and order Dixie into battle. (Commander does so) Dixie is, unlike other commandos, not a one-woman army, instead she is a supporter. She can repair units, but her TNT is quite useful too. Now let's destroy some enemies. Commander, buy a few vehicles and send them together with Dixie into battle. We prepared some robots over there.
(The player is prompted to build x amount of x types of units, and to train Dixie. When he does:)
Bulldog: Hang on, Commander. Them allied gaurdian tanks over there are slightly tougher then your Mastiffs, so I suggest you upgrade them with modern armour. Select the construction yard to see your upgrades (Player does so) now select the modern armour upgrade (Player does that as well).
(Crickets chirp, tumbleweed blows by)
Sidewinder: How long does this take?! We've been waiting forever!
Mastiff: (shoots Sidewinder) Hush up! Our upgrades can change the tide of battle in a flash commander, but note that it takes a rather long time to, er, "borrow" the supplies needed from enemy bases. Remeber to only research them when you won't need any dozers for a while.
(The player destroys the robots)
Bulldog: Great job commander! them Guardians, er robots, didn't stand a chance!
Mastiff: Feel free to experiment with all of our units and structures. When your done, click me and I'll pass you over to them commies.
Hammer Tank Voice: I heard that!
Sidewinder (loudly): You were supposed to!
(Player clicks the Mastiff)
(The Apocalypse tank, a Hammer and an Anvil tank drive into a snowy feild. Apoc looks at Hammer strangely. Crises in Cuba plays in the background)
Apoc: So this is what an out of body experience feels like...
Hammer: This is too weird. At least I-- err we, aren't getting shot at.
(Anvil shoots both)
Anvil: Don't ignore me over here!
(Both tanks shoot the Anvil)
Hammer: Anyway... is it me, or have we met somewhere?
(Anvil shoots Hammer)
Anvil: Met?! You replaced me! The only reason I was dug out of those dusty museums is because of your incompetence!
(Apocalypse shoots both)
Apocalypse Have you two quite finished? We're here to show the Commander the power of the Soviet Union, not kill each other.
(Both shoot Apocalypse)
Anvil: Now we're even.
Apocalypse: So... should we tell the Commander about our new changes?
(Crickets chirp and a tumbleweed blows through the field. No one says anything.)
Hammer: Anyone want to get a pirozhok?
Apocalypse: Why not?
(The three tanks drive off, screen fades)
Voice: Hold on deserters! Where do you think you’re going!
(Screen lights up again to see a Twinblade overtaking the tanks and hovering in front of them.)
Anvil: Uhhhhm, welllll, erm, we can explain!
Twinblade: cut the explanations, if you want to survive….
Apocalypse: How do you mean?
Twinblade: Don’t forget the Commander you were supposed to inform is going to command you in the next battle, so if you don’t want to be pitted against overwhelming odds, you'd better inform our comrade of the changes! Begin with the specializations!
Apocalypse: (unsure) Uhm, ah yes, specializations.
(The group moves to 2 soviet War Factories and an MCV)
Apocalypse: (loud and boasting): Comrade! Our dear soviet engineers have redesigned our War Factories to bolster our forces! We can from now on choose whether we want to specialize in tanks or choppers!
Twinblade: WRONG! It is tanks and VEHICLES! (twinblade fires at apocalypse)
Apocalypse: Stop it! It tickles!
Twinblade (annoyed): Anyway commander, why don’t you practice using these new war factories? Select the left one, as you can see, it specializes in vehicles.
Anvil: What’s so special about those things?
Twinblade (Ignoring Anvil): Go ahead and build a Perun by clicking the flashing icon.
(Commander does so)
Twinblade: The Perun is a heavy walker, but can only be of use when deployed. Go ahead and order it to deploy, comrade.
(Commander deploys Perun, once totally deployed it immediately fires on the Apocalypse)
Apocalypse (Once EMP is over): That hurt! Wait what? That one really hurt!
Hammer: As you can see comrade, we have gained significant momentum on the land! Now would you please click on the right-hand factory.
(Commander does so)
Twinblade: As you can see, the tanks departement can also dominate the ground, you can choose between either specialization or do both if you build multiple war factories.
Hammer: Hey! Why can’t the Tank Factory build Mobile Construction Ve---- (Twinblade fires)
Twinblade: Comrade! We also have new infantry, airplanes and ships, which you can use to defeat the filthy capitalists! Why don’t you play around a bit? (There's an Allied camp over there, don't worry they are capitalist training robots) When you’re done, order the Perun to pack up again.
(Screen scrolls upwards, but immediatly zooms in on a rather slow ore collector driving to the tanks and twinblade)
Ore Collector: huff-puff Please wait a moment comrades!
Ore Collector: You've forgotten our branch change! Would you all please follow me? Thankyouverymuch!
(Everybody follows the Ore Collector to an Industrial Plant, a Battle Lab, a Telescreen Tower and a Super Reactor near the sea, with buildings that are affected by it next to it. The Industrial Plant lacks a working collector.)
Ore Collector: huff-puff These, comrades, are the buildings that are now the pride of our nation. The Battle lab, Industrial Plant, Telescreen Tower and Super Reactor!
Anvil: Didn't we have those old useless things already?
Ore Collector: Somebody shoot him please! (Apocalypse does so), these buildings are now new and improved!
Anvil : So what do they do?
Ore Collector: I'll begin with the Industrial Plant. The plant also acts as a refinery, but before I explain futher, would you please task me to gather ore for the plant?
(Commander does so)
Ore Collector: (under loud working noises and lots of huff-puffs): As you can see, by gathering ore I allow this building to produce funds, while it also boosts nearby production structures, making everything cheaper and faster to build!
Ore Collector (gasping) Would you please order me to stand over there? PLEEEEEEASE?
(Commander does so)
Apocalypse: Why are you so out of breath? You only drove that thing!
Ore Collector: (out of breath) Well... actually my engine broke down a few days ago, and since then I have been using these pedals.
(Driving by Katyusha truck): Well, at least he WORKS for the union... (while driving away he murmurs: "work for the union, he does")
Ore Collector: Well, that's what I wanted to say, you can have him now. (Drives off.)
Twinblade: Well, where was I,-- (Gets cut short of speech by Katyusha who drives onscreen.)
Katyusha: Commander, it is clear other branches not explained he has! (Apocalypse: What?) Explain, I must!
(Katyusha drives to the Super Reactor, the Telescreen Tower and the Battle Lab)
Katyusha: Defence, Advancment, Science, these are! Defence first!
(Katyusha drives to Super Reactor with other tanks murmuring about his way of speech)
Katyusha: Super Reactor embodies defence! Super Reactor allows buildation of powerful defences, and empowers them! Upgrade your Super Reactor for more tools to smash at anvil of walls the enemy!
Anvil: I think he means it can give power and allows you to build better defences and such.
(Katyusha drives to Telescreen Tower)
Katyusha: Telescreen Tower gives tiers to YOU! (and union)! Apocalypse tank, Kirov Airship and Katyusha Truck, upgrade teletower here to unlock these!
Hammer: I think it unlocks different tiers, if I got him correctly.
'Katyusha: Next is Science! Features! Gimmicks! Shiny things! You want mancannon on Barracks? Upgrade here! You want NBC suits? Upgrade here! You want big bears, satellite spies, tesla reactors, more rockets for airships, grinder treads, chain lightning, silly drawings on your tanks? UPGRADE HERE!
Twinblade, Anvil and Hammer: WHAT?
Apocalypse: It's glorious propaganda, FOOL!
'Katyusha: Gimmick is science, buy at Battle Lab! Branches, those were all! Next time, I see YOU!
(Katyusha drives off)
Twinblade: Erm... well, where was I, oh yeah! Why don't you try out everything new comrade, and packup the Perun when you're done.
(Commander does so)
Apocalypse: Well, let’s get off again, before that thing fires at me. (Edges away from Perun)
(Tanks drive off)
Hammer: I like this! We're back in line for supreme ground domination!
Anvil: But our air remains laughable… '
(All tanks looks back sadly)
(New Soviet planes fly in but get chased and by Achilles)
Hammer: Don’t worry, we’ll see!
(The three drive off, scene fades)
Apocalypse: Well, I heard I would get AA rockets!
Twinblade: I HEARD THAT!
(Commander hears Perun shoot.)
(The Tsunami Tank drives over to a Model 1969 Hanzo Z and an Jishin Buster Tank. Eastern Mysteries plays in background.)
Tsunami Tank: New additions! Fall in line for the glorious entry of the Japanese Main Battle Tank!
(The Hazno Z facepams (it'll be an idle animation anyway))
Hanzo Z: Um, I meant to tell you earlier but...
(Tsunami looks over to the Buster Tank. There is a beat.)
Hanzo Z: You've been replaced.
Buster According to the Shogunate, You lack sufficient armour to be our MBT. Thats my job now!
Buster: And now onto the first point of...
Tsunami: That's my job. You may be the main battle tank, but I do the tutorials.
Tsunami: And now for the first Imperial change: Nanocores! We can now queue Nanocores!
Hanzo: (muttering) At last.
Buster: Wonder what took them so long?
(The Tsumani shoots the Buster)
Tsumani: Don't ask ridiculous questions!
Buster: Sorry, also, in case you forgot, the Psiconic Decimator is now an EMP weapon, disabling all structures, killing the pilots of vehicles, oh and killing infantry easily.
Hanzo: But not air units.
Tsunami: Well, it is easier for us to just send her to handle it.
(A rocket angel flies by and stops near the 3 tanks)
Rocket Angel: There is some bad news, and it involves her.
Buster: You realized that Yuriko can't destroy air units?
Tsunami: That can't be true.
Hanzo: See for yourself.
The three tanks and a rocket angel see Yuriko unable to destroy a flying unit
Tsunami: *japanese for a curse word*, So is there good news?
(A few conscripts go towards her and laugh)
A conscript:' She can't kill air units? She seems to be wea.....
(The conscripts all get killed, and the scream was larger)
Rocket Angel: Well, she can kill infantry easier, and her special ability is more powerful.
(Talos comes by and sees what happened)
Talos: Ouch, that has got to hurt, balance bites back.
(Something unfortunate happens to the Talos, and it involves being attacked by a commando)
Hanzo: That has got to hurt.
Talos: I was joking. OH GOD, HELP ME, STOP HER RIGHT NOW, PLEASE, I REGRET EVERYTHING.
(All the Japanese units look at each other)
(Screen pans away from the Talos as the tanks (and the Hanzo Z) drive over to a Mecha Bay)
Tsunami: Now on to our next major change, our Mecha Bay nows build mechas!
(Crickets chirp, tumbleweed blows by)
Tsunami: What? Why are you all looking at me like that?
Buster: (ignores Tsunami) I think what he meant was ONLY mechas. Anyway, commander you ought to see for yourself, please click on the Mecha Bay to select it.
(Commander does so)
Buster: As you can see, we now have many new shiny mechas ready to serve the Empire. Please build a Nezumi by clicking on the glowing icon.
(Commander does so)
Hanzo: The Nezumi is a powerful yet mobile artillery piece. Like most other mechas, it is able to transform between two modes, namely, Mecha Nezumi and Tank Nezumi. Please select the Nezumi and order it to transform into tank mode now.
(Commander does so)
Hanzo: The Nezumi is highly mobile in tank mode, it is even able to traverse across water with ease. Please move it to the location marked out on the minimap now.
(Ping appears on minimap)
(Commander does so)
(Fog of war lifts, revealing a Soviet outpost defended by several turrets)
Tsunami: As you can see, the gajin has set up a base there. Order the Nezumi to transform into mecha mode and show them what the Empire is capable of.
(Commander does so and destroys soviet base)
(Camera pans back to the tanks)
Buster: As you can see, our new mecha are not only powerful, but also extremely flexible and versitile.
Hanzo: Wait a minute, if the Mecha Bay builds mechas, does that mean that there is a Tank Bay for tanks?
(Buster shoots Hanzo)
Buster: Don't ask ridiculous questions.
(Tsunami shoots Buster repeatedly)
Tsunami: THAT'S MY LINE!
(Buster backs away from Tsunami slowly)
Buster: OWWWWWWWWW! Ok, ok... calm down.
Tsunami: Now where was I, arrgh, where are my notes, I remember I left it somewhere here... *The sounds of papers rustling can be heard*
(Nanocore drives up)
Nanocore: As you guys were so loudly debating about, no tanks do NOT come from the tank bay. Instead they are built from the Instant Garage.
Hanzo: Why, so you guys aren't tanks after all, you are just glorified little itsy-bitsy toy cars.
(Tsunami and Buster look at each other, then chase Hanzo all over the place while shooting him repeatedly)
Nanocore: ANYWAY... as I was saying, commander, please order me to deploy into an Instant Garage.
(Commander does so)
Instant Garage: As you can see, there are many new vehicles and tanks available to the Empire. Please kindly construct an Izanagi by clicking on the glowing icon.
(Commander does so)
(Izanagi pops out of garage, shoots Tsunami and Buster)
Izanagi: Are you guys done yet?
(Tsunami and Buster stop chasing the Hanzo, looks at each other)
Izanagi I guess my work here is done.
(Izanagi drives off)
Tsunami: Now where were we again?
Buster: I have no ide-
(Raijin flies past, Buster suddenly recalls)
Busteri: Oh yes! The Incredible Mobile Fortress Tatsu.
Tsunami: The WHAT?
(Hanzo shoots Tsunami)
Hanzo: That felt good.
Tsunami: (ignores Hanzo) Wait wait, what is the Incredible Mobile Fortress Tatsu again?
Hanzo: Its our airfield for our aircraft.
Tsunami: Wait a minute, aren't all our aircraft just transforming Mechas?
(Hanzo and Buster look at each other, both proceed to shoot Tsunami)
Tsunami: OUCH! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?
Buster: Have you been living under a rock or something?
Hanzo: I mean seriously, how can you NOT know.
Tsunami: Fine, where do we go to find this airfield of yours?
Hanzo: Hang on, lemme check my notes. We stay right here apparently, it comes to us.
Tsunami: WHAT? It COMES to us?
(Tsunami gets shot by both again)
Tsunami: OK OK, I'll keep quiet.
(Mobile Fortress Tatsu rolls into the screen)
Buster: (with pride) THIS. Is our Mobile Fortress Tatsu. It is the airfield for our dedicated aircraft. However, unlike other airfields, it can move, and it is armed, very well armed, in fact.
(Phoneix flies over and gets shot down)
Buster: The aircraft built from the Tatsu are not pushovers either, for instan-
Hanzo: Don't spoil it for him.
Buster: Oh right. (Clears throat) Moving on...
(The three tanks drive to an Imperial MCV)
Tsunami: As you can see, there are many new additions to the arsenal of the glorious Empire of the Rising Sun, the land where the son of god himself lives, the place where-
(Buster shoots Tsunami)
Tsunami: Sorry, got carried away. Anyway... feel free to explore the new mechanics of the Empire. When you are done, click me and I'll pass you over to the Order.
(Commander does so)
(Screen begins fading out)
Tsunami: I still don't believe that the Order thinks that God blessed them and not us.
Cleric: I heard that!
(Artillery falls from the sky and hits the Tsunami)
(Hanzo and Buster both sigh out loudly)
(The scene opens in a grassy field, with the Cleric Track centered in the screen. A Rogue and a Templar accompany him. Valor plays in the background)
Cleric Track: Commander, or shall I call you Crusader, now? The righteous faithful await your command. The Order of the Talon is a centuries-old secret order focused on fighting the world's most dangerous and prevalent enemy - the Cult of the Black Hand. Their reach is impressive, but our tools of the Eternal Crusade are even more so. Your fight is centered around your mobile fortress, the Crusader Crawler. This mighty unit is equipped to construct all of your units and structures and deploy them anywhere on the battlefield at will. You can compare it to an MCV always on the move.
Templar: Select your Crawler and order it to constuct a Metalworks - your ore refinery - and deploy it near the ore node.
(Player does so)
Cleric Track: Now look at your unit build queue. The Talon techs up by upgrading their Crawler. More upgrades unlock higher tech units. Upgrade your Crawler with a Monastery and construct a Hospitaller.
(Player does so)
Templar: Hospitallers use their heavy flamethrowers to burn the infidels and force them from occupied structures. We'll use that skill in a moment. Take some time to upgrade to Tier III and produce a Bombard Artillery Walker.
(Player does so)
Rogue: Notice that the Bombard has a build limit of six. That means that only six Bombard can be present at any time on the battlefield for any one Talon Crusader. Other Talon units use this limit system too. More powerful units have a limit of three, and your most powerful war machines have a limit of one!
Cleric Track: Why is that?
(Camera pans to Lady Maria, a Cataphract, a Lazarus, and Apostle each destroying an army of Cult vehicles.)
Templar: Something called "Balance" apparently.
Cleric Track: *Cough* Fourth Wall.
Rogue: Anyway... scroll over to the west and take a good look at the city. Do you notice anything out of the ordinary? That's right, the Cult has taken up residence there and garrisoned some civilian buildings. They also have a few light tanks there, as well. Now it's time to learn about the next unique Talon strategy - artillery sighting. Order me near the city so that I may mark the targets for your Bombard to attack.
(Player does so)
Cleric Track: Kaboom! That'll show them! Now take your Hospitaller and "purify" those garrisoned buildings so that we may destroy the Cult Temple.
(Player does so)
Templar: Notice that your Hospitaller is now at a new rank. We call this rank Divine, because we have been blessed by the Lord and are now under his protection. Divine-ranked units are even more powerful that Heroic units and are of extremely high priority. That about does it for new strategies using the Talon. Feel free to construct as many of our powerful war machines as you wish until you are acquainted with our unique build mechanic, then capture the Cult Temple in order to access the next lesson. May the Lord bless and keep you, and may His face shine upon you and give you peace!
Cleric Track: Until next time, fellow Crusader...
(unfinished version. adding humour etc. later)
(The Nian, A Mantis Walker and a Serpent Light tank drive onto the blasted, ruptured wasteland of China. The Middle Kingdom in the Background.)
Nian: (sounding mildly down) Welcome, commander.
Mantis: What's with the welcome?
Serpent: Yessssss, you sound sslightly depresssing... sss...
Nian: (Infuriated) Stop that! (more downish tone) Look around!
Mantis: Oh. I see. But still, why be depressed? Our future looks bright!
Serpent: Brighter then the ssssun!
Mantis & Nian: Stop that!
Serpent: Alright, but it's inherited.
Nian: ... Well. Commander, welcome to the former middle kingdom. Or at least, what's left of it.
Mantis: Before the Zazhong started firing nukes at each other.
Nian: Well... yes. As you can see, most of China has been devastated, turned into a radioactive wasteland filled with mutated beasts and radiated objects, with scant survivors.
(Tsunami drives up)
Tsunami: Then how come you've got so many men to spare? I've been seeing these guys everywhere!
(he points to a group of watchman walking around and waving at the tsunami, making jokes of him in the background)
Nian: What's left of unradiated survivors and their genes has been cloned. We're all clones.
Tsunami: (looks at all the watchman, at the nian, and the other tanks, activates his secondary and drives away as fast as possible, screaming): To the shelters!
Nian: Anyway, commander. It is time for you to learn about the Atomic kingdom of China, one of the new paradox factions
Mantis: and the most Chiguai one.
Serpent: He's seen too many podcasts.
Seprent: Just ignore.
Mantis: Anyway, commander. Our faction works differently. You see, we use the terrain to guide enemies into passages, then build towers on the side of these passages. those towers defeat the enemy, while we get money from destroying them. you also get a set amount of officers in your base. Goal is to stop the enemy from reaching it!
(Mantis is shot by the other tanks)
Nian: Ignore him commander. We do indeed work defensively. but not as simple as that. Our armies and structures are designed to force enemy forces into points where we have the advantage, and defeat them over there. generally, our range sucks and we have no artillery, but we do have the strongest weapons available Mantis: Beam Of Death! ULLA ULLA!, and we can effectively bottle up our enemies inside their base, and then destroy them with devestating weapons. Mantis: Antimatter and nukes!
Serpent: Futhermore, most of our own its are clones, who effectively gain no veterancy. Also, our forces come in standardized packs, with a selected purpose squadron. These squadrons consist out of normal units and a captain unit, who commands the around forces, and therefore raises effectiveness. The enemy cannot distinguish captain from normal units Mantis: Chunhuomen!, but you can. Futhermore, we have an incredible amount of turrets to wear down foes, we can call down nuclear particle dragons, drag aircraft from the sky, and much much more!
(Achilles flies over)
Nian: (looking at the Achilles and apperently remembering something) Unfortunalty, our forces are mostly armored with shields, and consume units of power upon being built. if you have a power shortage, your shielding will drop out. Also, all of our most usefull things, like the invulnerable wall, demand power. Also, artillery is a foe to be aware of.
Mantis: Speaking of which, maybe you sshould go over how our building system works in the first place.
Nian: Alright, alright. *OCV warps in* This is the OCV, our MCV equivalent. As you can see, it flies, giving it a distinct advantage over other faction's MCvs.
Serpent: So it can land and produce structures?
Nian: Nope. It can produce two structures.
Mantis & Serpent: WHAT? TWO?
Nian: To be fair, they are two of the most important structures. The first is the Planetary Assembly our ore refinery. (Planetary Assembly is quickly built) The REFINERY is the building that constructs our other buildings. (A couple of power plants appear)
Mantis: Seems a bit roundabout, but whatever. What is the second structure the OCV can produce?
Nian: The OCV can permanently turn itself into a Space Elevator!(Does so)
Serpent: What does a space elevator do?
Nian: Be an elevator to space!
Serpent shoots the Nian
Nian: OW! Naodai bei men ji le ma! Okay, it can call down groups of units in pretty little prepackaged containers. The secondary for the Space Elevator switches between calling infantry, vehicles, planes and naval units. If you need another OCV, you can just call in a new one by protocol.
Mantis: Okay, fine. I just noticed that the Planetary Assembly doesn't produce turrets. How do we make those?
Nian: Quite simple, actually. You know how all our units are produced from the Space Elevator? You may have wondered what our structures are for. Most of these produce walls and turrets for you.
Mantis: Once again, a bit roundabout. Commander, build a Barrier Duplicator and make a few turrets near us.
Player does so
All the turrets shoot the Serpent
Nian: HA! Huogai Daomei!
Mantis: Stop fighting, you two, we need to explain shields a bit more!
Serpent: Okay, okay. As you see commander, the shields that were surrounding me have disappeared after that. *Shields quickly recharge* Shields regenerate over time, though not as quickly as I just did.
Nian: Speaking of which, shouldn't you be dead after that?
Serpent: I'm a special Serpent design made just for the tutorial.
Nian: ... I'm not buying it. Anyway, watch what happens when our power goes out (All but one of the power plants are sold, causing low power)
Shields on the units flicker out
Mantis: As you can see, our shields are gone, leaving our thin plating as our only protection. Because of this, and the number of turrets we use, you will need to make a LOT of power plants.
Nian: Time for our tech system, then we'll go out with a bang. Construct a Starfleet Database now.
Player does so
Serpent: Select the Database. As you can see, there are a bunch of upgrades to purchase. These let us get higher tech squads from the Space Elevator, and the Database itself acts as a tech structure.
Mantis: Time to end with a bit of fun. (Atomic Palace appears, the countdown quickly reaching zero) This is our superweapon, and believe me when I say that this is the most powerful superweapon in the game.
(Screen pans over to a group of Red and Blue Chinese soldiers)
Serpent: Let's show these guys who really owns China. Drop the bomb on them!
Player does so
Nian: (Seeing the effects) Cao! That's powerful. Anyway, you can feel free to try us out some more if you want, or you can just click me to go to the next tutorial.
(Executor TripleTank, Hunter-Killer Tank, and Obliterator Heavy Artillery drive into the center of a sandy area. A Singularity Core is behind them. Heavy Elements in the background) (N.B. 'Command Node' is said as all one word, like 'Commander'.)
Executor: Command Node. You are slated for instruction on command of the Electrical Protectorate.
Hunter-Killer: ...Although I have no idea why we would have to teach you how to-
(Executor shoots the HK, destroying it. Another HK rolls up and takes its place as the Executor continues talking)
Executor: Enough of that. As you can see, Command, our central building is the Singularity Core, a catch-all power generator and production center. As you can guess, defending the Core is the primary objective of all Protectorate forces.
Obliterator: Keep in mind that, should the Core lose containment or be destroyed, the natural gases in the atmosphere will react rather violently with the Singularity inside. The shell itself is incredibly tough, and will generate a new Singularity over time if not attacked.
Hunter-Killer: Though if you lose containment on the Core, you probably have more pressing issues to worry abou-
(Executor destroys the HK again. Another one rolls up)
Obliterator: Command Node, you should also notice the health of the Singularity Core. The more structures you will build, the more power will be drained from it - prompting in it slowly damaging itself over time. To counter this, you have to build stabilizers. You cannot repair a Core with the conventional repair mechanic, you will have to use Technics for that.
Hunter-Killer: I don't see why one would restrict the commander from repairing his core with the common repair button just abo-
(Executor destroys the HK just again. Another one rolls up)
Obliterator: Moving on. Please select your Construction Tab and build an Artificer.
(Player clicks on the button to construct the Artificer)
Executor: Notice that the building says "Ready". This does not mean that we are like the Soviets who construct their buildings outside the con yard; rather, we construct our structures in a fraction of a seccond, though it would probably be better to have it shown to you.
(Player deploys Artificer)
Obliterator: Now, build an Infantry Deployer.
(Player does so)
Executor: Notice that the Infantry Deployer cannot do anything on its own. Select the Deployer, and then select its special ability. (Player does) Notice how the Deployer created Six Aggressors for only $25, and in zero time. That is our main advantage over the other armies, in that all of our units are produced cheaply and instantly.
Hunter-Killer: Plus, it makes up for the fact that most of them are made out of tinfoil and help together with spit. (Obliterator and Executor look/aim at it) You don't have the guts.
(Both the Obliterator and Executor fire at the HK, destroying it again. Another HK takes its place)
Hunter-Killer: That's getting really annoying. It's a good thing we're robots and can't really-
(Gets killed and replaced again)
Obliterator: The fact is, as we were demonstrating on our colleague here...
Hunter-Killer: Why is it always me that gets picked on?
Obliterator: Protectorate units are simply disposable, and cheap. Hardly any of us are well-armored, but our sheer quantity makes up for it.
Hunter-Killer: Yep. And those Soviets thought they were clever by shortening the build time on their Conscripts...
Obliterator: There is also something else you should know about our faction. We have no expansion units.
Executor: That is correct. Indeed, we have to expand by slowly moving our Ore Facilities, or by base creeping.
(A Nanocore drives past)
Hunter-Killer: Don't you look so cocky Refinery Core #873! Do you want me to set the Agressors on you?
Obliterator: Another interesting fact about our bases is that we upgrade our armies and unlock new units through the construction of several buildings... (All eight Protectorate tech structures pop up in sequence behind the Singularity Core) ...Eight in total.
(The Guardian Tank drives by and stops behind them)
Guardian: I've said it once, and I'll say it again. Eight is just too many!
Hunter-Killer: Oh, who asked you!
Guardian: Riddle me this, then. What happens if you lose one?
Obliterator: We build another in two seconds, natch. And we can have more than one in the field at a time.
Guardian: Huh. (Drives off) That was actually a pretty good answer...
Executor: One more thing, Command Node, we need to mention our Weapon Modules.
(An Eliminator Gun Carrier drives up, with no module installed)
Executor: This is the Eliminator. It is a "blank slate," if you will, for weapon modules. To produce modules, you need a Locus Chamber. select the Singularity Core and build one now.
(Player does so)
Executor: Currently loaded in the Eliminator is a standard module, a basic anti-infantry loadout. Command the Eliminator to unload the module now.
(Player does so)
Hunter-Killer: There are many different modules. (Every module the HK describes emerges form the Locus Chamber and loads into the Eliminator, then evecuates a few seconds later) There is the Kinetic Ramshell, a long-ranged anti-infantry weapon, the Gatling Automatics, which greatly increase the default weapon's rate of fire, Potassium-K rounds, which excel against sea-based targets, and even a Fractal module, which increases damage but decreases spread the closer the target is.
(The Eliminator drives off with the Fractal Module)
Hunter-Killer: Hey! Get back here! Those things are expensive!
Executor: Let him go. We still have to talk about our, ah... special units.
Hunter-Killer: Oh... right.
Obliterator: Command Node, if you would, please construct the Incubator now. (Player does) Now, select the icon to build Venus.
Hunter-Killer: You sure this is a good idea?
(Player builds Venus. All three tanks back up slightly.)
Obliterator: This is Venus, the most powerful commando unit in the game. Incredibly tough armor, a shapeshifting weapon, not to mention the ability to disguise as one of the enemy... Needless to say, she is very hard to kill.
Hunter-Killer: She scares me.
Obliterator: Wait, how can you feel fear? We're all robots.
Executor: Ummm... Well the thing about that is... Uhhh.... *Executor shoots and destroys the Obliterator prompting another one to drive up
Hunter-Killer: Hooray! It wasn't me this time! *gets destroyed and another HK drives up*
Venus: Remind me again why I put up with you idiots.
Executor: Because underneath our cold, metal shell, you find us goofy and lovable?
Venus: No, that's not it.
Obliterator: Huh. This is awkward.
(Venus walks off)
Hunter-Killer: Heh. Lovers' quarrel?
Executor: Shut. Up.
(The Hunter-Killer and the Executor starts squabbling, the Executor points its guns at Hunter-Killer threateningly, but gets blasted by the Obliterator, prompting another to drive up)
Obliterator: (While shouting over the noise made by the squabbling) Enough with you two over there. Anyway Command Node, if you're done, we still have one last thing to show the Command Node.
(Hunter-Killer and Executor suddenly stop squabbling)
Hunter-Killer: Oh... that. Right.
Executor: Er... Command Node, find the "Summoner" icon on your build queue. Be sure to build the Summoner a fair distance away from your other buildings. (The player builds the Summoner) We'll continue to monitor your progress... (All three vehicles turn around and drive out of the base) Waaay over there!
(The Summoner only takes a few seconds to charge)
Obliterator: (Hushed) Command Node, now is the time. Use the Summoner's special ability.
(The Summoner does its thing and the Icon appears)
Hunter-Killer: (Reverently) Command Node, this is the Icon. It is... well, we can't really express what it is.
Executor: Not without resorting to hexadecimal, in any case.
Hunter-Killer: The Icon is incredibly powerful. Nothing can stop it, except maybe that other powerful Superweapon.
Obliterator: Command Node, I think you should see what the Icon is truly capable of. There is a group of training robots not far from here. Send the Icon in and eliminate them all.
(Player does so)
Hunter-Killer: Command Node, you've proven yourself worthy of the rank. Feel free to experiment with all of the units and buildings at your disposal. When you're done, select me, and you will be transferred to the Mediterranean Syndicate. *gets killed AGAIN and another one drives up* What was THAT for?
Executor: Just one last time. After this, I go back to the main tutorial.
Overlord and HK: Yeesh... good luck.
(Talos, Medusa and Cerberus drive into a downtown square. Il Futuro è Adesso plays in the background. )
Talos: Ahh, commander! There you are! As you can see, we saved the best for last.
Cerberus: We are the final new faction in Red Alert 3, the Mediterranean Syndicate Security Forces. Basically we are one of the more unique organisations that specialize in some of the more revolutionary aspects of warfare.
Talos: Yep! As you can probably guess, we LOVE urban warfare. Our battlesuits and infantry excel at this kind of thing.
Medusa: That’s right. Units like me are designed to supplement our troops. But you can see that for yourself later. In the meantime, let’s get back to the Headquarters.
(The three drive off and arrive soon after at a Syndicate Base with multiple structures, some manufacturing goods, some units)
Talos: And here we are! As you can see, we’ve got quite the setup here.
Cerberus: You’re probably wondering what all the structures are for. Well, take a look at them. Notice the cash coming through them? Like any good business, we make our money through selling.
Medusa: All of our structures have this ability. Convert whatever they normally produce into cash. Click on one of the barracks and tell it to start making money.
(Player does so and money starts being made from that barracks)
Talos: It’s as simple as that. Although we do need Ore like everyone else, but not in the way you’re probably thinking of.
(Camera pans to power generator burning ore)
Cerberus: As you can see, we need ore to make power. Though just because you got power plants doesn’t mean you’re automatically connected.
Medusa: Indeed. We use overhead power lines to link up all our power.
Talos: I always wondered though. Why did we do that again?
(Cerberus shoots the Talos with a railgun)
Talos: OW! What was that for!?
Cerberus: Remember what the Tsunami tank said about asking stupid questions?
Talos: To not to... All right. But it was a good question...
(Medusa moves to squash the Talos)
Talos: All right! All right! Anyways commander, another thing we need to go over is our build mechanic.
Cerberus: Unlike every other faction, except the Protectorate, the Syndicate does not rely on a vulnerable MCV to produce units.
Medusa: That is right. Behold the Syndicate Headquarters, the cornerstone of the Security Forces operation.
(A War factory lifter is produced from the Syndicate Headquarters and moves onto the field)
Cerberus: We make our structures similar to the Empire. The only difference is that our lifters are reusable.
Medusa: Not only that, but the Lifter and the building split the costs of construction. For the war factory for instance, the lifter costs one thousand credits. To make the factory, that also costs one thousand but so long as you don’t make more then one lifter, you can really save money.
Talos: Sometimes saving money is the best way to make money. Just know that our superweapon lifters are one use because of gameplay limitations and balance issues.
(Medusa partially squashes the Talos)
Talos: Ow, OW, OW! STOP IT!
Cerberus: Don’t break the fourth wall!
Medusa: Now, the Syndicate's Ore Collector is the Prometheus.
Cerberus: So effective are these ore miners they are sometimes used as combat vehicles, though their high cost and value often makes this unfeasible. Their gattling gun does decent damage to both vehicles and infantry, and their heavy armour allows them to simply crash into enemy positions. Their secondary function deploys them into a repair node and releases a dozen small repair machines that will quickly get an army in tip-top shape. Go ahead try it.
(Commander selects the Prometheus and activates the secondary which repairs the Talos)
Talos: Oooh-kay, that feels wierd.
Cerberus: As you can see, there is a small bar above the Ore Generators that shows the ore reserve within the structure. When it runs out, the lights go out.
(The Prometheus heads back to harvesting ore, and the trio moves over to a gathering of infantry)
Talos: Here are the the Mercenaries, errr, I mean, the Legionnaire Security Forces.
Medusa: The Security Forces are the Syndicates infantry units that have a variety of skills and ability's ranging from temporary immortality to generating pulsing fields of ominous glowing symbols.
Cerberus: In other words they are a bit different from the vodka wielding conscripts or boy scout Peacekeepers.
Medusa: First off is the Auxillary, a drugged-out hobo we found behind a Bob's Toy Barn.
Cerberus: Good help is so hard to find.
Talos: These soldiers are junkies for the wide range of illicitly produced designer drugs the Syndicate has flooded the underground with for years. Fanatical to the cause if it means a steady supply, they charge enemy positions with machine-pistols and pipe bombs. If you have enough of them you can deal with any problem, but you will need at least a couple thousand of them.
(A mob of Axillary's charge at a group of Peacekeepers and are easily dealt with.)
Talos: Of course, if you don't have a few thousand Auxillaries standing around, then you can always make use of the Bonk Energy Tablet.
(Another group of Auxillaries under the commanders orders use their secondary and defeat the Peacekeepers. The Mob begins to froth at their mouths and move flail their arms about)
Medusa: Quick! Select the Centurion!
(The Centurion is highlighted, and is selected)
Medusa: Move him over to an Axillary and use his secondary!
(The Commander does so. The Auxillary near the Centurion return to normal while the rest of the group drops dead.)
Medusa: Well, at least you learned a lesson. The Auxillary's secondary grants them relative immortality for a small duration of time from small arms fire. Unless they are healed by a Centurion's special regenerative aura, or a Pharma Dispenser, they will die a very, very painful death.
Cerberus: The rest of the Syndicate infantry are better left up to the campaign, but remember, not a single Syndicate Unit is capable of going toe to toe with any other faction unless one of the five pillars of Syndicate tactics are meet. Just remember A. E. I. O. U.
Auras: Semi-Conducted communications arrays that improve a units ability's
Escorts: Dedicated units designed around keeping the enemy away from the more fragile units.
Interference: Annoying the enemy from a distance.
Occupation: Actions often revolving around stealing something somewhere.
Upgrades: Permanent universal unit improvements based around statistics often at a inflated price.
Talos: Now, let's continue with my personal favorite, Auras. Several Syndicate units such as myself are equipped with special ability's that allow us to help other units exceed expectations. Let me show you.
(The Talos is highlighted and the commander activates his/her secondary. A holographic radius appears around the Talos)
Talos: All the units within my Aura receive a damage bonus, but my ability cannot be stacked with other fields because of interference.
Cerberus: So you can only make one field of the same type work at the same time.
Medusa: Escorts such as myself are a specialized field of units that are designed around keeping the enemy away from the more fragile unit types, such as the Talos.
Medusa: We are generally equipped with Zero Point energy guns and do the best we can to keep the enemy at a distance. Here let me show you.
(The Medusa moves to attack the Talos. The Talos shoots at the Medusa and then turns to flee but is caught by the Medusa's ZPEG and is helpless)
Talos: Let go!
Medusa: As you can see, my Zero Point Energy Gun works in the same principle as Allied Cryo-Tech. The difference being that the enemy is immediately immobilized.
Cerberus: Now, let us quickly review Interference. "Traditional" units such as tanks, combat infantry, and ships are all a bit differant in the Syndicate because we rely on our range to give us the edge over the enemy. Gyrojet weaponry does more damage the farther away target is from the user.
(The Cerberus unpacks and begins to shoot with it's Gyrojet at the Talos)
Talos: Ow. Ow ow ow ow.....
Cerberus: As you can see, even the Talos takes notable damage despite the fact that this is a light weapon. Now Railguns have the ability to shoot through targets and cause splash damage in a straight line. Let me show you.
Medusa: Wait, what was that?
(The Cerberus shoots through the Talos and hits the Medusa using it's railgun. Medusa lets go of Talos and they all begin to argue. The screen pans to the side where three Axillary's, a Colossus, and a Titan Security Armor take over the tutorial)
Titan: Now that those idiots have served their purpose, lets introduce the newbie to Occupation. If you would Kindly?
(The Colossus fires a pair of missiles at the original trio that explode above them. All three units are rendered neutral. The Axillarys move toward the three units)
Titan: Thank you. As you can see, Commander, we don't play by the rules. If we want something, we can take it. Be it Ore, Units, Buildings, heck, we have these special forklifts that jack the enemy's turrets from right under their noses.
Colossus: I think he gets the idea.
(The Auxillaries enter the three original units, and they are revived)
Medusa: What just happened?
Talos: I don't know, but I feel... violated.
Cerberus: Why do I have a craving for brownies?
Titan: You were talking about Upgrades.
(Titan Shoots his fist at the Talos)
Talos: Oh! Upgrades!
Cerberus: Upgrades are universal unit enhancements that improve the effeciency of a unit based on their type.
Talos: Upgrades usually are divided into either the classification of unit, such as Infantry, Battlesuits, or Vehicles, or the classification of armament, such as Gyrojets, Railguns, Flechettes, etcetera.
Medusa: They cost a bit of cash, but are usually required to keep up with an opposing faction's superior versatility.
Talos: Say, why not introduce Minerva?
Medusa: Okay, commander, train Minerva now.
(commander does so))
Talos: Commander, Minerva is one of the most versatile commandos in this war. However, like all commandos, she has a weakness, except maybe against Venus, since they spam weak units and we need to do balance.
(Medusa gets closer to Talos, until Minerva attacks Talos)
Medusa: Don't break the fourth wall ever again. What her disadvantage is that she cannot swim.
Minerva: But I am faster, and can take a beating, right?
Talos: I think so. Wait, why are you even asking? You should know already! (The Talos gets slashed by Minerva's finger blades) OW!
*The actual Minerva comes back and sees herself*
Minerva: I knew I saw you come here. Go away
- the fake one leaves, and well, Minerva attacks Talos, again, however, she does way worse than the fake one*
Lesson Three: Additional Game Modes Edit
(All vehicles from Lesson One drive back to one field. Clockwork in the background.)
Hammer: Well, that was... interesting.
Tsunami: How can they have replaced me!?
Guardian: At least you got it easy. I now act as a meat shield for the high tech stuff...
Talos: Ha. You two got off lightly compared to what I went through. Bleaugh.
Nian: I'd offer some shield generators, but it's so much more entertaining to see you all get shot at.
(All shoot the Nian)
Cleric: Hey, Mister Blasphemous Communist, why are you in the Hammer again?
(The Apocalypse tank, with AA rockets, drives up)
Apocalypse: Wait, what are you doing here!? I was just going for a retrofitting! Get back to base! I'm doing this tutorial! (Apocalypse chases off the Hammer tank)
Mastiff: Right. Now that everyone's accounted for, welcome to Lesson Three, commander! Here, we'll be going over the new game modes available in Paradox.
Guardian: You new kids and your extra game modes. When I was your age, we only had one game mode! And we liked it!
Cleric: Calm yourself, good sir. Your beloved "one game mode" is still here, under the name "Pitched Battle".
Tsunami: Heh. My new anti-structure abilities will come in very handy here.
Apocalypse: Indeed. The object of "Pitched Battle" is destroy every structure your enemy has. For "win condition" purposes, an MCV counts as a structure, while Neutral Tech structures do not. After you have eradicated your opponents' buildings, his forces will surrender peacefully, or, something...
Guardian: Yeah. To tell you the truth, we don't really stick around long afterward. There's a victory celebration involved that nobody really wants to miss.
Talos: The next game mode is 'Assassination'. Each side has their own VIP vehicle and must protect it at all costs. Although for some reason, the game doesn't turn into a first person shooter or something because technically when you use a VIP unit, you're going onto the-- (gets shot) OW! What was that for!?
Tsunami: Obviously the Commander uses his Battle Control Interface from inside the vehicle.
Apocalypse: So there's a guy sat at a computer controlling a guy sitting at another computer?
Cleric: Please cease and desist with the Forth Wall references. Or we will be forced to do something.
Apocalypse: I'd like to see you try.
Guardian: Ahem if you ladies have stop squabbling...
Mastiff: Oh no, they're not that privileged.
Guardian: (Ignoring) I'd like to show the Commander an Assassination Target.
(A Falcon Command Helicopter flies into view)
Guardian: This is the Falcon Command Helicopter, the VIP unit for the Allies. It is capable of utterly decimating any ground-based unit, plus it can land to protect itself from enemy anti-air fire.
Mastiff: Well, if you get to show off yours, we get to show ours.
Apocalypse: You're talking about VIP units, right?
(Mastiff and Guardian shoot the Apocalypse)
Mastiff: Shut up! Anyway...
(The Falcon flies off-screen)
Mastiff: Commander, this is the Himmelhammer Van. It allows us-
Guardian: Excuse me?
Mastiff: The Himmelhammer Van.
Guardian: I heard the name, but where's the thing?
Mastiff: Oh. Sorry.
(Himmelhammer uncloaks, directly below where the Falcon was hovering previously)
Mastiff: There we go. As you can see, the Himmelhammer Van is permanently stealthed, and provides a PAWI field to all friendly units within range. Plus, it can be garrisoned, allowing th infantry inside to fire out.
Guardian: Bloody Minutemen...
Mastiff: You be nice.
Apocalypse: And now, we have the Soviet VIP unit.
(The Himmelhammer Van drives off, and the Elephent Tank drives in, eventually stopping where the Himmelhammer was)
Apocalypse: The Elephant tank is the ultimate anti-surface vehicle. Weighing in at... well, over half again as much as an Apocalypse Tank like myself, it can switch between a high-yield anti-armor cannon and anti-infantry missiles.
(By now, the elephant is either still moving or has only just gotten to the "display" area)
Nian: It's kind of slow, isn't it?
Apocalypse: Well, yes. But honestly, would you really want to attack a base that had this thing in it?
Nian: That's true...
(The Elephant begins to crawl offscreen, painfully slowly)
Guardian: I'm not going through this again. Cryocopter?
Cryocopter: (Flies On-screen) Hello? I'll use the shrinker! (These are existing sound files).
(The sped-up Elephant leaves the screen, and Japanese vehicles drive/walk in, minus the Tsunami tank)
Tsunami Tank: please excuse me, sir. It joins up with the vehicles.
Apocalypse tank: That's it? just a bunch of different coloured Vehicles? Gets shot by the Tsunami and all the others OW!
Tsunami: watch closely, Commander. The vehicles including the tsunami tank begin to get close and then form together into the Sentai Command Mecha
Sentai Command Mecha: How do you like me NOW? (the voice could be a combination of all the other vehicles voices or something. either that or it's still the Tsunami speaking) (Sentai then does an air guitar solo. all tanks stare at it strangely. Sentai stops, then clears its throat. Sorry about that. I just had this irresistible urge to do that... Anyways Commander, This is the Sentai Command Mecha. It or should i say we are the very personification of Imperial might. Individually, the vehicles used to make me aren't all that strong, but when combined together... Well, let me show you.
(An apocalypse training robot drives in and the Sentai charges, damaging the tank with the impact and utterly destroys it with the Giga Fortress head blast. Its arm cannon changes to the one the apoc tank had and it uses it on another training Apocalypse tank.
Apocalypse: Sheesh... Why does everyone hate me?
Sentai: You be quiet! As you can see, when I charged at the enemy tank, I gained its weapon and then proceed to eradicate the tank with my head. Regrettably, That's not my primary attack because of bal--
Cleric: *cough* Fourth Wall! *coughcough*
Sentai: But my primary attack is still quite impressive. My arm cannon can also still fire even if I haven't scanned anything, albeit I do become more useful once i do scan something. Well, that's it for me. (The Sentai disassembles itself and all the vechiles drive/walk off except for the Tsunami tank
Tsunami: That was wild. What's next?
(Sentai leaves,Eden enters right were the Sentai was)
Cleric: This,fellow Crusader, is the the most powerful Eden Superheavy Track. The Eden has what is possibly the most Talon steel in 1 vehicle than any other Talon war machine made yet. Its primary weapons are 3 Ambaric cannons which could melt a Apocalypse Tank in record speed.
Apocalypse: (deadpan) Oh, that's just great. Now I have another thing to worry about.
Cleric: Its secondary gives it a boost of speed in order to make it squash almost ANYTHING that gets in its way. ANYTHING, especially those dreaded Ezekiel's Wheel tanks.
Cleric: Just try it out on those God-forsaken, conviently placed Scorpion Tanks.
Eden: I DARE YOU!
Cleric: Well, thats all for now Crusader. May God bless you and destroy the dreaded Cult!
Nian: And now, it's my turn!
(The Talon VIP exits. The Eclipse Star Voyager floats in, stopping above the spot the Talon VIP was occupying)
Nian: This, Commander, is the Eclipse-class starship. It can use its tractor-beams to lift vehicles up to range of its point-defenses, where said vehicles get sliced to bits. Even aircraft aren't guaranteed against it, as the exhaust from the engines can flash-fry anything caught in it! Unfortunately, superheavy vehicles, such as my big red friend here, are simply too heavy to be lifted into the point-defense array. VIP units are also immune.
Apocalypse: Hey! Are you calling me fat?
Executor: Well, why is that? That van of the Confederates didn't look too big...
Tsunami: Do my ears deceive me? I believe I just heard a ridiculous question.
Executor: Ohh, dear.
(The Eclipse lifts the Executor and floats away with it. Another Executor replaces the lost one)
Abducted Executor: I know where you all sleep!
Non-Abducted Executor: No, you don't.
Talos: right, well, our turn next.
(classic limo drives up)
Talos: This is the classic limo, the embobyment of luxury and style, it has an onboard fridge filled with doughnuts, a swimming pool, plasma TV, the newest edition of "sentai mecha mech battle 2", a michelen class chef and- (gets shot by Tsunami)
Tsunami: More about what it can do, less about the decadent stuff!
Talos: okay, okay, well, (begins murmuring) erm, argh, how am i going to say this?
Talos: (normal voice)well, it can link us to comp- (gets hit by lightning, turns to face the limo and slowly drives off screen)
Tsunami: hey, come back! what are you running away for? that was just a storm! are you afraid of the weather or so?
Talos: (wishmical voice)okkkkkay... (drives back inline)
Apocalypse: hmmpf, afraid of the weather, wimp.
Talos: well, it can boost our stats (waits as if waiting for approval) and it can --- (comes in later)
(Some time later after talking about the Protectorate VIP unit)
Guardian: Hmmm... There was something else I was going to talk about now... What was it? I can't for the life of me-- (vuvuzelas play in the background)
Apocalypse: AHHH! BEES! BEES EVERYWHERE! RUN FOR IT! (he starts driving away while the other tanks just stare at him)
Executor: (shouting over the vuvuzela noise) You dense bastard! Those are vuvuzelas!
Guardian: Oh right! Now I remember! Commander, (proudly) Welcome to Tankball! (all tanks get teleported to a stadium/arena)
(After a long intro about tankball)
(All tanks drive down a path)
Guardian: Well, that was fun.
Apocalypse:If you say so, I found it to be rather tiring.
Talos: Seing how little your exercise, it is easy to understand why.
(Apocalypse shoots Talos)
(A Truck filled with glowing green crystals drives past.)
Nian: What are YOU doing here, do you want our secret to leak out?
(Chases out of screen after truck)
Mastiff: Wait a minute, that truck's carrying a nuke, isn't it... GET BACK HERE YOU TRUCK! I WANT THAT NUKE!
(Drives off screen after Nian)
Guardian: Don't think you can outrun me you Confederates.
(Runs off screen after Mastiff)
(Other tanks look at each other, all run after Guardian)
(Apocalypse reverse moves back into screen)
Apocalypse: Apparently that Nian forgot to tell you that we are now playing Capture the Nuke. In Capture the Nuke, there is a truck containing a JADE nuclear weapon, and naturally all of us want to find out what makes them tick. The Truck moves when you have a select number of puny Technicians nearby the truck. This is the end of the tutorial, now if you excuse me Comrade...
(Apocalypse resumes chase)
Apocalypse: Get BACK here all of you! That nuke is MINE!
Lesson Four: Protocols Edit
(Screen unfades shows the tanks in formation, Hell March, Paradox, or Act on Conviction plays in the backround)
Mastiff: Look at that he came back.
Nian: Welcome to lesson 4; Protocols!
Gaurdian: I said this earlier, why do we need a lesson on those things?
Apoc: The puny Gaurdian is right, you just gain protocol points and purchase them!
Tsunami: I admit I do doubt the need of such a lesson...
(Paradox Tanks shoot the Vanilla RA3 ones)
Talos: Actually due to coding problems...
Cleric: *cough* Fourth Wall *cough*
Talos: Right, anyway in Paradox there is a different way to gain protocols.
Mastiff: Allow me to explain...
(Screen fades, then unfades with the tanks beside a rebel Conyard and Power Plant)
Gaurdian: I still think the Allies would have been a better choice...
(Mastiff shoots Gaurdian)
Mastiff: Quiet you!
Apoc: Do you mind explaining why the commander already has a protocol?
Cleric: Certainly, Protocols are now tied in with structures.
Nian: Similar to Tiberium Wars!
Cleric: Cease with the fourth wall references!
Mastiff: Right, now build a barracks...
(Player does so)
Mastiff: As you can see, the barracks grants access to two additional protocols!
Gaurdian: Wonderful, and I'm guessing we have this new system as well?
(Shows a cutscene featuring Cryo Stat and Chemical Mortars)
Cleric's voice: Correct, as well as new protocols.
Apoc: I cannot wait to see our new protocols...
Tsunami: I admit the same for myself.
Talos: Right, either way thats the end of the lesson
Executor: Untill next time control node