Paradox Mod Wiki
Alchemist
Faction Order of the Talon
Unit Type Infantry
Designation Healing/Repair
Prerequisites Reliquary
Secondary Ability Switch Medical Instruction/Hands-on Mending
Cost $500
Production Time 0:10
Veterancy Upgrade(s) • Webley revolver (vet)
• Alchemist, or unit being healed by instructions, now heals surrounding units (elt)
• Lingering treatment, units self heal for short time (her)
• Alchemist can't be targeted if there's another unit near them (div)
Dev. Status Conceptual
Country of Origin   Egypt
Forged by  Saint Mary of the Angels Monastery, Mount Sinai
Key Features  » Nun's habit with integral Kwolek weave
 » Chirurgeon's field kit
 » Sanctified field crafting kit (w/ blowtorch, soldering iron)
 » Etheric communicator (two way)
 » "Self-surgery and Field Repair for Dummies" handbook (for talking victims through procedures)

"Stop whimpering. Lazarus didn't cry, and he went and died before getting back up."

- Alchemist ministering to a wounded Templar.

Tactical Analysis[]

  • Mending Flesh and Steel: Alchemists can use their communicators to instruct injured infantry and the crews of damaged vehicles in surgery and repair, effectively allowing them to heal and repair at a distance, albeit slowly.
  • Hands-on Work: Alternatively, Alchemists can take matters into their own hands and go to work much more quickly, but they must move next to the units in question to heal them.
  • First, Do No Harm: Although Alchemists take the precaution of wearing semi-bulletproof nun habits, they are still squishy infantry and initially carry no weapons, leaving them helpless against attack.
  • Don't Mess With The Healer: As the battle rages, many greenhorn Alchemist will take a revolver for self-defense, help multiple patients or instructs their patients to heal others, using special salves and concoctions that heals overtime, to wearing a special cross causing nearby members to protect her with their lives.

Background[]

"These Talon lunatics are driving me insane. There, I said it. You hear me, inquisitor who's no doubt reading this? You people are stupid!

I let myself be talked into joining this cult because I was promised I could put my expensive education and experience working with the most advanced warships on the goddamn planet to use on something more worthwhile than building weapons to help a bunch of idiots who are, in no particular order, incompetent, foolish, supremely arrogant, and moustache-twirling cartoon villains in their quest to conquer the world. Look, I betrayed everyone and everything I ever knew, and if you'll just come out and say that because I'm a traitor to the Empire I'll always be a traitor, I might even understand that.

I knew my choice was a dangerous one. I thought it was a worthwhile choice because the Order wants something more than conquering the planet and making like it's nineteenth-century Europe only with everyone outside Japan playing the part of the African natives. I was promised that my expertise would be valued, that the Order of the Talon valued all of its members in any capacity they could serve to their best ability.

I was not promised that I'd be spending years learning how to be a good little Christian wind-up doll while receiving a crash course in first aid and brute field repair so other people - men, of course - can make a difference.

Look, I understand that medics and field techs are important. I really do. Most of the other women in this retreat are genuinely nice, and want to help. Many of them are even quite pretty, despite how unflattering these habits are. Oh, and how obscenely impractical they are for, you know, LIVING IN A GODDAMN DESERT. Do you lunatics want all the women in your order keeling over from heat exhaustion after fifteen minutes outdoors? Worse, you call the job alchemy. News flash, asshats: we've been calling it chemistry for a couple hundred years now.

Okay, so I thank God your medical know-how is reasonably up to date, even if you aren't big on cybernetic enhancement and I was sentenced to a week of fasting and prayer in isolation in my room when I suggested it to the abbess. Frankly, I was expecting leeches.

Although really. Women do deserve contraception, and the insistence in the sexual health seminars that it's a tool of the devil was why I walked out of the room and was sentenced to spend the week after my week of fasting and prayer on putting my engineering education to use by cleaning out the monastery cesspool. Between that and my other infractions, I've got the next two months booked solid with punishments for "Behavior unbecoming of a Sister of Saint Mary and flagrant disrespect for authority." Make that three months once they read this, probably.

Dear inquisitors, I don't want to learn how to walk other people through fixing cranky engines and patching bullet holes. I WAS DESIGNING MACHINES MORE COMPLICATED THAN ANYTHING I'VE SEEN HERE THREE YEARS AGO, IDIOTS. All I want is to put my education, my passion, my experience, and otherwise the things I am very good at to "productive" use. What little I've seen of your operations suggests that you do have some top-notch engineers in your little cult. Let me talk shop with them.

If you don't think a woman can do more than tend to men's needs, test me. Let the pious women of God here do their job. I serve no one, least of all the Lord God, in such a limited role. You have your alchemists. But we can do so much more for the Order and for the Lord God than this."

- From the journal of Masoko Okamura, three weeks after recruitment into the Order.

Quotes[]

Alchemist[]

Upon exiting the Crawler:[]

  • A-Alchemist here, um, sir.
  • Oh I do hope I'm on time...

Select[]

  • *surprised* Oh! A-alchemist here, is someone hurt?
  • Um, hello?
  • *daydreaming* What a pretty place...
  • *crashing noise* Uh-oh, there goes my toolkit...

Moving[]

  • Oh, okay...
  • I hope my friends will protect me...
  • I hope I'm not late...
  • Are the wounded over there?

Garrisoning Structure[]

  • Ooh, looks cosy.
  • A-are the wounded inside?
  • It's no hospital but it'll do.

Attacking[]

  • Get away from them you bitch!
  • I'm armed!
  • Don't you dare hurt them!

Switch Medical Instruction[]

Hands-on Mending[]

  • It won't hurt, much...
  • Don't worry, I'm a professional
  • Oh, quit your whining.
  • The lord himself was crucified for us, so don't complain about YOUR pain!

Move to Attack[]

  • I'll protect you.
  • Looks like I'll have to use this...

Under fire[]

  • G-go away!
  • Owowowowow!
  • Someone help me, please!

Just the Stats[]

Alchemist
Non-Combatant
Healer
Cost 500
Build Time 0:10
Health 80
Speed 50
Armour Type Infantry
Etheric Gizmo
Friendly Units Only
Burst
Range 200
RPS 3
Damage -10
Suppression N/A
DPS -30
Lay On Hands
Friendly Units Only
Blast
Range 15
RPS N/A
Damage -∞
Suppression N/A
DPS N/A
Order of the Talon Eternal Crusade

Paradox-Exclusive Faction.

Constants (Generic Units) HawkPawnFootmanFanaticMan-at-ArmsCraftsmanClockroachYeoman CavalryCharger Assault TransportCuirassierBarracuda
Crusaders Knight-ErrantSister of SteelChampionTemplar LordDragoon Battle ArmourCleric TrackJager WalkerCataphract Land IroncladDa Vinci TankLazarus Air DreadnoughtOphan Gun PlatformBishop Ironclad
Inquisitors Priest of JudasCrimson CardinalHospitallerHussar TrikeArchangel Anti-Air TrackJericho CannonLucifer TrackZealot Torpedo BoatMetatron GunboatTempest Torpedo RamSamael Assault Plane
Evangelists AlchemistRogueJairus Recovery VehicleSanctuary CartCalliope TrackWraith Mortar TrackEmissary TrackAltar of LightConsecrator TrackPilate SubmersibleApostle Bombard Ship
Special Units Lady MariaEden Superheavy Track
Crawlers Master CrawlerTempleTribunalReliquaryForge Crawler
Superweapons Shield of FaithFirestorm GeneratorAmbiaric Cannon
Defences Flame TurretMachine-Gun TurretCannon TurretLance TurretShield TurretHypnosis TurretMirror TowerPom-Pom Turret
Protocols Talon Protocols
ProphetKnight Takes RookMan On FireMen on the InsideDustcloudChapelRedeem Yourselves!Solid SmokescreenArtillery AmbushGear BombardmentHellfireAn Unexpected InquisitionA Sticky SituationEagle VisionEarthbound SaintHigh AlertClockroach SwarmHealing TouchAfterburnDivine Vision
Technologies ClockworkSteam PowerTalon SteelThermal WeaponsAmbiaric ForceOrder Small Arms and Equipment
Detailed Information Hierarchy of the OrderCharacters of the OrderKingdom of HeavenDominions of the Talon